The Chair Man

I’m coping with two realities in my life. One, I’m relearning to believe in myself, and two, although having lofty ambitions, my current circumstances contradict that. To be honest, I have been doubting myself for a long time, to the point where I’d accepted that this might be it for me, and I glided through events, decisions, and milestones with ease. Which is ironic, because a part of me has always recognized that I have a particular soul — one that has always been vocal. I couldn’t believe in myself for some reason.

I have an executive chair and a large desk at work. You’d think I was the boss if you walked into the office. You’d believe I’m in charge even from where I’m sitting (there’s a desktop on my desk, but it’s broken. I also dress up more than anyone else at work, even my boss). Quite the contrary. I’m more of a PA than anything else. I also remove the paper waste from time to time. I tidy the offices three times every week. These are my duties, despite the fact that I hold a social science degree. Indeed, this is life.

Do I enjoy my work? That is a question to which I have no answer. Truth? I cannot afford to be dissatisfied with it. My parents would say: “What does it matter? You now have a JOB.”

My mother believes that everyone has to start somewhere, particularly at the bottom. She highlights individuals who work at the municipal office, alleging that they started as cleaners and have since progressed to senior positions. On this, my father and I frequently dispute with her. Undoubtedly, we have grandiose fantasies — like father, like son.

Furthermore, I have no desire to start living when I am forty years old. I mean, I already sit in an executive chair, but not one in which I wield power. It is my responsibility to ensure that everything runs smoothly inm the office, even when I am not feeling smooth.

But I’m learning a lot. Time management and organizing skills, for example.
I mean, who am I kidding? When it comes to my duties, I’m still a notorious procrastinator and a little unmotivated, but one day at a time, I’m getting there.

Another thing I learnt a few days ago is that all it takes to get one’s work or goals done is to wake up in the morning and declare that you’re going to get stuff done and then actually accomplish it throughout the day.

As I previously stated, I am still learning. I suppose I’ll just have to accept my current reality, which has me sitting in an executive chair, for the time being.